He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
