So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
