I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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