Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
