You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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