My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
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After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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