i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
