Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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