I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
