Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
