i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
