Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
