She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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