He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
