I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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