The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
