That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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