I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
