Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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