Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I AM VODKA MAN
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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