Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Randomize
