Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
