my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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