Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
