I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
