I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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