$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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