well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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