At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
