i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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