I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize