My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize