Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
