and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
