I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
