You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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