my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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