I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
