and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
