I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
