I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
