also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
