Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize