I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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