Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize