using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
