If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
