I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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