Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
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I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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