very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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