Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
