she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
