I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
