3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
