I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
