I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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