It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
