I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
