i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize