Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
