I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
