So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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