And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
