After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
