He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
