allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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