I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
